To my Grandma

To my Grandma,

Losing you was very hard on all of us. For a long time, I couldn’t even inform my office colleagues who knew you because the thought of you gone bought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. Only my closest knew.

You’d complain to my mom when I got late to office and just left without saying goodbye. Is that why you left without saying goodbye?! For 30 days when I went to the Pooja room I couldn’t help but glare at the Gods and accuse them of taking you. “You took my Grandma”, I’d repeat daily. The 31st day, I said “You took her. Please, take care of her”

I don’t know if you’re watching us, some days I hope not. I just hope wherever you are, you are happy. You couldn’t walk without help during your final days. Now, you can run, you can fly. You can be with my Grandfather, whom you unfortunately lost at a very early age.

I couldn’t be at home for the brief moment you started falling ill. Luckily, I came while you were still with us, even if only for a few days. I remember praying then, to not let you suffer so much, when instead I should have prayed for you to get cured.

I can’t believe 11 months have gone by since you left us. Ironically today is your birthday & not so ironically yesterday was women’s day. You are the iron lady of our family. I remember you as this person who was smiling, always & always. The difficulties you’ve faced in your life is unimaginable. Because of your struggles, I am living this happy comfortable, life. Sometimes, me and my generation, we tend to think we’ve earned it, and sometimes it gets in our heads that we deserve all this and much more but all of this is because of your strength and bravery & I hope to have half the strength you’ve had. It’s finally time for you to rest now.

Some days I miss you so much and some days it feels like you are still around in this world. I don’t know if that is why people say that the ones who die are still here with you. I hear your voice every now & then, though, sadly, the frequency has been reducing. I know exactly what you’d say when I got that haircut or when I wore that lip stick or when I wore that short top. Not that I’d listen to you even now. I was always a rebel. I just wish I had the chance to give you something back, to make you happy. I wish I had the chance to make you proud. Guess we’ll never know.

Thank you for everything.

Many many happy returns of the day!

I love you.



Your spoiled little granddaughter.


Lost & Alone

I don’t know if I’ve stopped in a place, unpacked by bags on my journey because I started feeling comfortable or I’ve stopped because I wanted to rest. I remember a time I was willing to do anything to reach my goal. Now I just want comfort. All the hard times, the struggle, I kept going on that rocky road, thinking that the rocky road will end and the road ahead would be smooth again. The rocky road kept getting rockier. & one day I couldn’t go further. I didn’t want to go further because I’ve lost hope that there’s anything other than this rocky road in my path. But we have to struggle. I was ready for it all. Then why now of all times does the pain seem too much for the gain. The cost seems far too big for the price. How do u keep moving? But not moving is not an option too. I can’t walk backwards after how far I’ve come. So I’m stuck in this place. First I stayed because I was comfortable here. I told myself I was resting. I stalled & stalled, till I couldn’t stall anymore. Even if someone would tell me the road ahead will get beautiful, I don’t believe them. If someone tells me that, yes I can make it, I don’t believe them. This place is no longer a comfort zone. It has become a suffocating box where I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe, I can’t stay, I can’t seem to leave. Few steps & I’m tired again. Yes, life is hard. I used to believe it gets better. Sometimes it just keeps knocking you out again and again. I just need that assurance that it’ll all be worth it, because the blind belief that I once had is gone. And I’m left in this suffocating place. Lost & Alone.


There are so many moments in our lives that overwhelm us. You don’t even see it coming and when it comes, it hits you like a wave. And sometimes, there are moments which make you realize how strong you have been without even realizing it, and it makes you wonder – how did you become this person!

The child within us 👶🏻

As we grow up we gain a lot of things but we also lose a lot more.

We lose our patience, optimism, innocence, tolerance, our self confidence, self esteem, kindness, helping nature, faith in everyone, the hope that things will be better.

We stop having fun like we used to. We stop caring for the right things and start caring for all the wrong things.

We give up quickly, we break easily. We lose our health to stress. We read too much into things, end up stressing over something because of over thinking about problems that aren’t even there.

We don’t get vacations. We don’t spend time with friends and family. We don’t do anything for relaxation. Just running and chasing.

We don’t look at the stars or the moon anymore. We never stop and enjoy where we’re at. We lose track of time. Time seems to go so fast and so slow at the same time.
If we sit and try to think about what started it all, when did we become like this, we won’t get an answer. We got sucked into the circle just like everyone else did.

And if we look at what we have gained and what we have lost, I’d say the latter is far far in excess. 
And even though most of the damage is done, I think we need to bring out the child inside us and keep those parts of us intact if we want to survive this crazy crazy world.

So, if the next time someone asks you to grow up, hold out your tongue and walk away! 😉 If that gives you satisfaction, you’ve made a start!

Shell 🐚 inside Vs outside

They never understood my tears so I controlled them.

They never understood my pain so I hid it.

I created a shell and lived inside it because that was a place I felt comfortable and I felt that I could be me and I never let anyone see the shell. It was going fine.
Then things changed, situations changed, I met people who brought me out of my shell without even making me realize it.

But recently I realized how easy it was to get back inside the shell if I let myself.

That which was once my safe space, my go-to place, my comfort zone has become something that I don’t wanna go to again. Once I found comfort in the place outside my shell, I don’t wanna go back.

It’s funny when things, that you wouldn’t have imagined in one point of your life, happen and you don’t think that you’d like it and if given a choice you wouldn’t have chosen it. But Thank God! that you were not given a choice… and Thank God! you’re forced into a situation that you have to adjust and adapt to it and then to your own shock, you do it beautifully which makes you realize that maybe not all unexpected things are bad. Some things push ourselves for us to be better than what we can imagine. We limit ourselves to a boundary. We draw a circle around us and think that this circle is all I can be until something comes up and shows us a whole new view and it broadens our mind and gives us a whole new perspective. And once this happens you never want to go back to who you were. You don’t want to hide anymore. 🙂

Don’t resist change. Accept it. Embrace it. Master it. Then do it all over again. 🙂 

It’ll be uncomfortable everytime, but once you win it, it’s definitely gonna be worth it.


At what age did u realize in life that being an adult was mostly pulling yourself together?

I realised it at 23 (now)

And the older you get, the more pulling you gotta do. Show people you have your shit together when you don’t. Pretend as if you’ve figured out everything in your life when you don’t even know where you stand. Keeping a brave face when on the inside you know how much you’re screaming.

Moral of the story: life never gets easier. We get stronger for the next challenge which will again pull us down. We have to overcome that and we become strong enough for the next challenge that is to come and it goes on…………..

Moral of the story 2: don’t give up. Keep fighting. You can win this fight which will make you strong enough to face the next fight

Note to self: Hang in there!

An unexpected gesture

What effect it has! Here we try to be brave and we try to be as strong as we can. We march into the struggle and fight and fight and fight. And we know how much more we have to endure so we keep going. At that point we think we’re so strong and we prepare our minds to be stronger for the incoming things to face. But then someone comes and they change the situation, and your enduring is over. You don’t have to fight anymore. You can relax. They give you that. That unexpected gesture can crumple you when u realize how much you needed that support. In life how many times have u worried about a problem that has disappeared into nothing the next day. You think that’s not gonna happen again. But then it does. You don’t expect it, you don’t ask for it, and when such an unexpected gesture comes you can’t help but believe that there is a greater force out there.