Life

Life is a precious gift

Life is the most beautiful blessing

Life is the best miracle we witness

etc

etc

etc

Then why does it feel like a prison?! You get an illness – can’t do what you want, eat what you want. If you get something you want, something else is taken from you. You have to follow the circle of birth > education > job > marriage > kids > grandkids > death. You have to always act according to society. Live on medicines. Your life is extended because of medicines. You’re dependent on these so called tablets which is just powder compressed in a tiny whatever shape. Your whole childhood life is dictated by others. By the time you reach the age where you get to do what you want, either society tells you what to do or these so called medicines do.

And the pain – Heartbreak, pain of losing a loved one, betrayals, people say it gets easier. It never does. Every single one of those, at some intervals, surfaces, taking turns, no matter how hard you try to bury it down.

And the jealousy – I will never understand why people get jealous of others. Just because someone has what you want, doesn’t mean they have what they want. And even if they have what they want, doesn’t mean their life is easy. Why do people compare their struggles with others and act as if they’re the only ones suffering. I’ve seen people with great struggles live life as though nothing is wrong and I’ve seen those who’ll constantly complain about the smallest things.

Every time we celebrate new year, we wish that the next year will be better than the previous one. It never is. It only gets worse. Sometimes, it gets really worse really fast. And it’s only going to keep getting worse

Life is not a blessing

It is a continuous struggle

Continuous…………………….

The conclusion for this? I’m trying to find that out for myself too.

Trigger

I go out. I go to work. I laugh with my friends and collegues. I come back home. I lie on my bed. My attention automatically goes to check how my heart is. And i can see the cracks. Every self doubt, every insecurity, every betrayal. I try not to think about it, but then I do. And at times it feels like a broken pot stuck together but the only glue is my will power and when it weakens, I just break down.  I can feel all the broken parts trying to desperately stay together, but one trigger and everything is shattered. And I have to start once again.

Time

Here’s a little piece of something that I learnt the past few months. Don’t waste time. Everybody says this and everybody ignores it (including me). But I’m not saying this because I think we need to respect time and time and tide waits for no one and every other annoying quote that we hear about time. It’s because time is always against you. Always. It will always race in the opposite direction and if you wanna keep up you have to run with it. If you keep up with it everything goes smooth. Once u fall behind it’s very hard to catch up. Even if you think you still have time, time will play that game with you where you can’t win. Don’t respect time. Don’t do any of that. But don’t waste time. Because time can leave you hanging in the worst situations and in the end only time will bring you out.

Distant

via Daily Prompt: Distant

I’ve lost a lot of close friends in my life. One by one. Trusted the wrong people. I kept holding on to the belief that maybe it’s not going to happen again, but then it did. It kept happening to the point that I gave up. I learnt to distance myself from people once there was even the possibility of getting close to them. Never truly let anyone else in. And don’t know if I ever will. Will always be distant. Because even now sometimes it hurts. Because maybe, I was just meant to be alone. Maybe it wasn’t them. Maybe it was me.

Damaged

I’ve felt damaged all my life. Probably not all my life, but as far as I can remember. Never even knew what caused it. I built a wall around. Since I was too vulnerable, I developed myself to be a person who never let anything affect me. Then I got working on my dreams, I got busy. Never had time to stop & feel the damage that was inside me. And now if I look inside, I can’t see the damage. There is still that wall. But I feel it is of no use. I feel now, that I let things affect me more than it did earlier. I feel that even though I was damaged, I was stronger then, than I am now. Seems so absurd.